Fic: Of Courtship Rituals...
Feb. 17th, 2011 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leandraholmesTitle: Of Courtship Rituals...
Chapters: 5 of approx. 7, parts 1 & 2, parts 3 & 4
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (Reboot)
Word Count: 2404
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance with a trace of humor; first-time
Summary: What happens when two friends discover deeper feelings for another but can't seem to sort it out? This Chapter is Jim's POV
A/N: Following the events of Of Enclosed Quarters and Eight-Legged Creatures but can be read as stand-alone.
And I know the Star Trek universe has a gazillion species and cultures; however, I invented one to best suit my intentions.
Actually, I had wanted to stick to Bones' POV through the entire series, but the good Doc can't be everywhere ;) And normally I posted two episodes in one but decided to post this one already as I haven't started the next yet. The next one will be '... And Medical Expertise'
V.
He had never believed in no-win scenarios, but for three days, Jim had been considering the option that he might just be naïve, unrealistically optimistic and plain stupid, and those had been three of the toughest days in his entire life. Sure, he had gone through a lot of crap in his childhood and youth, and it was possible that, thinking back now, the impact of the negative memories had faded somewhat, but somehow he had never felt as clueless, helpless and outright devastated as he had when Spock had submitted his resignation. And in return, he had never felt as relieved and utterly happy as he had the moment he had realized that Spock returned his feelings, so happy in fact, that all the stress and worry of the previous days seemed to now fade as well until they seemed nothing more than the memory of a bad dream.
Thinking back, he had to laugh and shake his head at how extremely oblivious he had been to something even Bones had understood – he got that now, and suddenly the conversation at the dinner with the Arnians made a whole lot more sense. If only he hadn't been so damn stubborn and also slightly embarrassed about having a teenage-like unrequited crush on his first officer he could have solved this whole mystery a long time ago.
But well, there was no use thinking about what-ifs, and most of all there was no need to now. In the end, all had turned out well. Or… kinda.
Jim and Spock hadn't met outside their duties since that evening at cargo bay, hadn't even been able to talk. The next morning, the crew had been busy seeing the Arnian delegation off and organizing the exchange of goods and equipment with the space station, and all Jim had been able to do at the end of that really long and exhausting day was to literally fall into his bed and sleep much later than he would have liked. And now, almost forty-eight hours after the kiss – one that, no matter what, he already knew would be one of the most memorable ones in his entire life – he still wasn't completely sure where he and Spock stood now. The Vulcan wouldn't resign, he had said so that very moment, and while briefly touching his hand Jim had felt a tingle of emotion flow through that odd telepathic link, though same as back in that chamber in the ruins he wasn't exactly sure how to name the strange, alien feelings or how to even fully distinguish them from his own. But he had felt something like… joy.
Still, a tiny part of him was afraid that Spock might go back to avoiding him now, might feel somehow embarrassed and unsure whether and how this all was going to work out. Jim had no idea how Vulcans felt about same-sex relationships. So far, he had never heard of an example, and he also knew that Vulcan society was quite uptight about all things relating to sex and romance. In fact, had he not seen it with his own two eyes he would've never even believed someone like Spock to be 'dating'.
Tons of possible scenarios chased themselves in his mind now as on how 'dating' a Vulcan under the given premises could look like, and he realized there was no way of figuring it out unless they actually… well, got there. Jim decided that he'd try to find Spock as soon as he was done with his report on the negotiations with the Arnians which was due by tomorrow morning.
Unfortunately, or rather luckily, he never got to finish it. Halfway through he heard the chime of his door and then, as he bade the guest to enter, stood up from his desk with his heart fluttering in a way he hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Spock, come in," he greeted, feeling his features light up as he looked at the rather unreadable expression on his first officer's features.
"Good afternoon, captain," Spock replied formally and Jim wasn't quite sure whether to chuckle or feel slightly irritated.
"Jim."
One eyebrow twitched ever so slightly, chin no more than hinting a nod with a minuscule movement. "Jim."
"What can I do for you, Spock?" Jim asked somewhat awkwardly, biting his lower lip and suppressing a chuckle at his brief idea to have said 'What can I do you for?' instead.
Spock regarded him for a second or two, his head ever so slightly titled, and Jim took it as a sign that the Vulcan was carefully choosing his words. Even more so, the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the next – a barely visible movement – indicated nervousness. Jim's smile faded somewhat at the thought this might be a negative sign.
"I believe the premise of our… relationship has changed," Spock started, his tone slower and a little deeper than usual, his gaze drifting from a spot somewhere above Jim's shoulder to his eyes every now and then. "And I wish to ask what you expect of me."
As Jim could not immediately reply, a mixed feeling of surprise, amusement and being moved making his eyes widen and him smile, Spock shifted his weight again. Not so much that it looked like he was fidgeting, but by Vulcan standards he totally was.
"Do you wish me to court you?"
When Jim heard the almost shyly uttered question he could not contain the chuckle bubbling from his chest as he felt a strong wave of deep affection rush over him. "Court me?" He asked, trying hard not to make his grin look like he was mocking Spock in any way.
"I believe that is the custom when you get… romantically involved with a human?" The way he paused before words like 'relationship' or 'romantic' even increased that touched and amused feeling in Jim, and he could not help but shake his head slightly, feeling his heart thump funnily in his chest.
"Well, yes, that mostly is the custom," he explained then. "Though it really depends on the people involved. I'm not a girl, you know?"
"I am aware," Spock replied, raising one eyebrow deliberately this time.
"What I'm saying is if by 'courting' you mean flowers and poems, jewelry and all that stuff, then no, you really don't have to 'court' me. But if you, I dunno, mean having dinner together, talking and getting to know each other better, taking things slow, if that is what you want then it's fine by me."
Spock's expression briefly displayed something like confusion, his brow furrowing ever so slightly though he remained standing with his hands behind his back, not making any attempt to cross the physical distance between them. "I will adjust to whatever you prefer."
"Spock, tha… um." He let out a semi-exasperated sigh as he took a step closer to the Vulcan, extending his arm in direction of his bed. "Come on, sit down," he said gently, wondering for a moment whether he should have offered the two armchairs by the coffee table instead, but that felt too official and distanced.
The Vulcan complied, yet there was a small sign of reluctance in his movement, and he averted his eyes as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Jim was next to him in a second, turning his upper body so he was half facing Spock.
"You don't have to adjust to anything, okay?" he said, for the moment resisting the urge to take Spock's hand or touch his shoulder, not sure whether it was the right move at this point. "That's not how it works. Sure you can do something because you think I'll like it once in a while. But you don't have to 'adjust' to meet my expectations. Just do whatever you want to do."
Again, he could see that Spock pondered the words and their meaning. His brow was moving, his head slightly tilted and his gaze traveling back and forth. "I am not sure I understand. Nyota expected some gestures of courtship from me."
"But Nyota is a woman!" Jim half laughed, half sighed. "And okay, there may be guys that want the whole game of seduction as well, but that's not me. I'm easy," he added with a smirk. "I just want you to be yourself and do whatever feels natural to you."
The effect his words seemed to have on Spock was quite different than intended. Instead of relieved or reassured, Spock's posture seemed to slump a little, his gaze not meeting Jim's at all anymore as he stared into space.
"I am not sure any of this… feels natural to me."
It may have been the most honest and intimate confession the Vulcan had ever made, to Jim at least, but it also let a sinking feeling replace the elated one in Jim's midst, leaving him unsure of what to do for a moment.
But he was not going to give up and despair this easily. Following his earlier urge he simply took one of Spock's hands in his, tried to mimic the position their fingers had been in back in that chamber and soon feelt a wave of… insecurity, tentativeness, doubt. He tried to project confidence. "But it is what you want."
"Yes," Spock replied without hesitation, now meeting Jim's eye.
"Then that's all you need to know. Look, Spock. You said you wanted to leave the Enterprise because you thought you wanted something you couldn't get. Well guess what, you have it. You have me. And I'm not going anywhere. Whether it takes you a while to figure things out for yourself or not, to familiarize yourself with… with this," he made a waving motion between them, "then that's okay. We don't need to rush into this. We can do it on your terms because I'm not gonna pressure you into something you're not ready for. And no, before you say it, that's not the same as 'adjusting' to one's expectations by following some silly courtship rituals and protocol."
Spock's gaze was locked with his the entire time, just briefly straying from his eyes to his lips and back up again, studying his features this closely for the very first time. It sent tingling shivers down Jim's spine and right to his groin in a way a simple glance that wasn't flirtatious or lascivious never had before. He entwined his other fingers more closely with Spock's, just leaving index and middle finger upright, touching by the fingertips as he started to feel something like confidence and relief coming through the link.
"And I promise I won't run off with an Arnian princess in the meantime," he added, smirking and was pleased to see Spock's eyebrow raise in that typical way of his that he could only describe as 'Vulcan amusement'. Yet there was still the tiniest sense of doubt left coming through the connection, made of unanswered questions that Spock didn't dare to ask.
"You're afraid I'll break your heart, aren't you?" The realization almost came as a shock, a slightly overwhelming, almost scary awareness that Spock's feelings were deep enough to be anxious about this possibility.
"Forgive me," Spock began. "But you do have a reputation for-"
"Being a man whore?" Jim finished and shrugged.
For a second, Spock's eyes widened and he made an attempt to free his hand from Jim's grasp, but the younger man didn't let him. "That is not the term I would have chosen."
"Well, it's sort of true. But we all grow up at some point don't we?" He knew there was a trace of the old, smug, flirtatious Jim surfacing in both his words and expression, and Jim wasn't so convinced that it would ever completely disappear. He enjoyed flirting, and he wasn't blind to the charms of a beautiful woman, but this, what he already felt for Spock now, was entirely different. Something much bigger, much stronger, almost frighteningly so that Jim was inclined, against all previous experience, against all knowledge and logic, to say he'd promise him forever.
"I love you." The words came out more on instinct than any conscious thought, and Jim was almost shocked when he realized he had never before uttered them to anybody (and meant them). And suddenly, this all became so real that the fluttering of his heart almost painfully but at the same time more pleasant than anything made his throat constrict. He was even more surprised when, just a second later, he felt soft and very warm lips on his own, his eyes remaining open for a while until his mind was able to process the promise and awareness that had taken place inside of him within the past few seconds.
He felt joy pour through the link, not sure how much of it was his own or Spock's, but it didn't really matter. The kiss was tentative, careful, unlike every other kiss he had ever shared with anybody – except for maybe Caroline, though her gentleness had been more due to the fact that her first kiss with a boy had been 'kinda gross', as the twelve-year-old had explained to a eleven year old Jim afterwards.
But this, this was something absolutely unique. Spock's lips tenderly touched his, carefully and slowly moving to part, no tongue, no suckling, and Jim found himself strangely overwhelmed by how utterly amazing and intimate it felt despite being so chaste. Their hands were still entwined as they both slowly withdrew, their faces still so close that Jim could have counted every single black eyelash around the deep brown, darkened orbs.
"Well," he said softly, his own voice sounding strangely hoarse in his ears. "How's that for courting?"
Spock tilted his head in an almost shrug. "Adequate and satisfying."
Jim had to laugh. "You're easily satisfied," he teased, thinking of one or two or a hundred other things that might even be more satisfying. But for now, this was good. Maybe taking things slow would make it all the more worthwhile in the end.
"How about dinner?" he asked then. "Let's say twenty-hundred? I have this report that I need to finish, unfortunately."
"I believe I can arrange that," Spock replied and Jim was sure this time to see the tiniest smile on his lips.
"It's a date."
"Literally."
Jim laughed again. "Yes Spock, literally."
~ TBC ~
Next Part: ... and Medical Expertise
Chapters: 5 of approx. 7, parts 1 & 2, parts 3 & 4
Pairing: Kirk/Spock (Reboot)
Word Count: 2404
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance with a trace of humor; first-time
Summary: What happens when two friends discover deeper feelings for another but can't seem to sort it out? This Chapter is Jim's POV
A/N: Following the events of Of Enclosed Quarters and Eight-Legged Creatures but can be read as stand-alone.
And I know the Star Trek universe has a gazillion species and cultures; however, I invented one to best suit my intentions.
Actually, I had wanted to stick to Bones' POV through the entire series, but the good Doc can't be everywhere ;) And normally I posted two episodes in one but decided to post this one already as I haven't started the next yet. The next one will be '... And Medical Expertise'
He had never believed in no-win scenarios, but for three days, Jim had been considering the option that he might just be naïve, unrealistically optimistic and plain stupid, and those had been three of the toughest days in his entire life. Sure, he had gone through a lot of crap in his childhood and youth, and it was possible that, thinking back now, the impact of the negative memories had faded somewhat, but somehow he had never felt as clueless, helpless and outright devastated as he had when Spock had submitted his resignation. And in return, he had never felt as relieved and utterly happy as he had the moment he had realized that Spock returned his feelings, so happy in fact, that all the stress and worry of the previous days seemed to now fade as well until they seemed nothing more than the memory of a bad dream.
Thinking back, he had to laugh and shake his head at how extremely oblivious he had been to something even Bones had understood – he got that now, and suddenly the conversation at the dinner with the Arnians made a whole lot more sense. If only he hadn't been so damn stubborn and also slightly embarrassed about having a teenage-like unrequited crush on his first officer he could have solved this whole mystery a long time ago.
But well, there was no use thinking about what-ifs, and most of all there was no need to now. In the end, all had turned out well. Or… kinda.
Jim and Spock hadn't met outside their duties since that evening at cargo bay, hadn't even been able to talk. The next morning, the crew had been busy seeing the Arnian delegation off and organizing the exchange of goods and equipment with the space station, and all Jim had been able to do at the end of that really long and exhausting day was to literally fall into his bed and sleep much later than he would have liked. And now, almost forty-eight hours after the kiss – one that, no matter what, he already knew would be one of the most memorable ones in his entire life – he still wasn't completely sure where he and Spock stood now. The Vulcan wouldn't resign, he had said so that very moment, and while briefly touching his hand Jim had felt a tingle of emotion flow through that odd telepathic link, though same as back in that chamber in the ruins he wasn't exactly sure how to name the strange, alien feelings or how to even fully distinguish them from his own. But he had felt something like… joy.
Still, a tiny part of him was afraid that Spock might go back to avoiding him now, might feel somehow embarrassed and unsure whether and how this all was going to work out. Jim had no idea how Vulcans felt about same-sex relationships. So far, he had never heard of an example, and he also knew that Vulcan society was quite uptight about all things relating to sex and romance. In fact, had he not seen it with his own two eyes he would've never even believed someone like Spock to be 'dating'.
Tons of possible scenarios chased themselves in his mind now as on how 'dating' a Vulcan under the given premises could look like, and he realized there was no way of figuring it out unless they actually… well, got there. Jim decided that he'd try to find Spock as soon as he was done with his report on the negotiations with the Arnians which was due by tomorrow morning.
Unfortunately, or rather luckily, he never got to finish it. Halfway through he heard the chime of his door and then, as he bade the guest to enter, stood up from his desk with his heart fluttering in a way he hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Spock, come in," he greeted, feeling his features light up as he looked at the rather unreadable expression on his first officer's features.
"Good afternoon, captain," Spock replied formally and Jim wasn't quite sure whether to chuckle or feel slightly irritated.
"Jim."
One eyebrow twitched ever so slightly, chin no more than hinting a nod with a minuscule movement. "Jim."
"What can I do for you, Spock?" Jim asked somewhat awkwardly, biting his lower lip and suppressing a chuckle at his brief idea to have said 'What can I do you for?' instead.
Spock regarded him for a second or two, his head ever so slightly titled, and Jim took it as a sign that the Vulcan was carefully choosing his words. Even more so, the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the next – a barely visible movement – indicated nervousness. Jim's smile faded somewhat at the thought this might be a negative sign.
"I believe the premise of our… relationship has changed," Spock started, his tone slower and a little deeper than usual, his gaze drifting from a spot somewhere above Jim's shoulder to his eyes every now and then. "And I wish to ask what you expect of me."
As Jim could not immediately reply, a mixed feeling of surprise, amusement and being moved making his eyes widen and him smile, Spock shifted his weight again. Not so much that it looked like he was fidgeting, but by Vulcan standards he totally was.
"Do you wish me to court you?"
When Jim heard the almost shyly uttered question he could not contain the chuckle bubbling from his chest as he felt a strong wave of deep affection rush over him. "Court me?" He asked, trying hard not to make his grin look like he was mocking Spock in any way.
"I believe that is the custom when you get… romantically involved with a human?" The way he paused before words like 'relationship' or 'romantic' even increased that touched and amused feeling in Jim, and he could not help but shake his head slightly, feeling his heart thump funnily in his chest.
"Well, yes, that mostly is the custom," he explained then. "Though it really depends on the people involved. I'm not a girl, you know?"
"I am aware," Spock replied, raising one eyebrow deliberately this time.
"What I'm saying is if by 'courting' you mean flowers and poems, jewelry and all that stuff, then no, you really don't have to 'court' me. But if you, I dunno, mean having dinner together, talking and getting to know each other better, taking things slow, if that is what you want then it's fine by me."
Spock's expression briefly displayed something like confusion, his brow furrowing ever so slightly though he remained standing with his hands behind his back, not making any attempt to cross the physical distance between them. "I will adjust to whatever you prefer."
"Spock, tha… um." He let out a semi-exasperated sigh as he took a step closer to the Vulcan, extending his arm in direction of his bed. "Come on, sit down," he said gently, wondering for a moment whether he should have offered the two armchairs by the coffee table instead, but that felt too official and distanced.
The Vulcan complied, yet there was a small sign of reluctance in his movement, and he averted his eyes as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Jim was next to him in a second, turning his upper body so he was half facing Spock.
"You don't have to adjust to anything, okay?" he said, for the moment resisting the urge to take Spock's hand or touch his shoulder, not sure whether it was the right move at this point. "That's not how it works. Sure you can do something because you think I'll like it once in a while. But you don't have to 'adjust' to meet my expectations. Just do whatever you want to do."
Again, he could see that Spock pondered the words and their meaning. His brow was moving, his head slightly tilted and his gaze traveling back and forth. "I am not sure I understand. Nyota expected some gestures of courtship from me."
"But Nyota is a woman!" Jim half laughed, half sighed. "And okay, there may be guys that want the whole game of seduction as well, but that's not me. I'm easy," he added with a smirk. "I just want you to be yourself and do whatever feels natural to you."
The effect his words seemed to have on Spock was quite different than intended. Instead of relieved or reassured, Spock's posture seemed to slump a little, his gaze not meeting Jim's at all anymore as he stared into space.
"I am not sure any of this… feels natural to me."
It may have been the most honest and intimate confession the Vulcan had ever made, to Jim at least, but it also let a sinking feeling replace the elated one in Jim's midst, leaving him unsure of what to do for a moment.
But he was not going to give up and despair this easily. Following his earlier urge he simply took one of Spock's hands in his, tried to mimic the position their fingers had been in back in that chamber and soon feelt a wave of… insecurity, tentativeness, doubt. He tried to project confidence. "But it is what you want."
"Yes," Spock replied without hesitation, now meeting Jim's eye.
"Then that's all you need to know. Look, Spock. You said you wanted to leave the Enterprise because you thought you wanted something you couldn't get. Well guess what, you have it. You have me. And I'm not going anywhere. Whether it takes you a while to figure things out for yourself or not, to familiarize yourself with… with this," he made a waving motion between them, "then that's okay. We don't need to rush into this. We can do it on your terms because I'm not gonna pressure you into something you're not ready for. And no, before you say it, that's not the same as 'adjusting' to one's expectations by following some silly courtship rituals and protocol."
Spock's gaze was locked with his the entire time, just briefly straying from his eyes to his lips and back up again, studying his features this closely for the very first time. It sent tingling shivers down Jim's spine and right to his groin in a way a simple glance that wasn't flirtatious or lascivious never had before. He entwined his other fingers more closely with Spock's, just leaving index and middle finger upright, touching by the fingertips as he started to feel something like confidence and relief coming through the link.
"And I promise I won't run off with an Arnian princess in the meantime," he added, smirking and was pleased to see Spock's eyebrow raise in that typical way of his that he could only describe as 'Vulcan amusement'. Yet there was still the tiniest sense of doubt left coming through the connection, made of unanswered questions that Spock didn't dare to ask.
"You're afraid I'll break your heart, aren't you?" The realization almost came as a shock, a slightly overwhelming, almost scary awareness that Spock's feelings were deep enough to be anxious about this possibility.
"Forgive me," Spock began. "But you do have a reputation for-"
"Being a man whore?" Jim finished and shrugged.
For a second, Spock's eyes widened and he made an attempt to free his hand from Jim's grasp, but the younger man didn't let him. "That is not the term I would have chosen."
"Well, it's sort of true. But we all grow up at some point don't we?" He knew there was a trace of the old, smug, flirtatious Jim surfacing in both his words and expression, and Jim wasn't so convinced that it would ever completely disappear. He enjoyed flirting, and he wasn't blind to the charms of a beautiful woman, but this, what he already felt for Spock now, was entirely different. Something much bigger, much stronger, almost frighteningly so that Jim was inclined, against all previous experience, against all knowledge and logic, to say he'd promise him forever.
"I love you." The words came out more on instinct than any conscious thought, and Jim was almost shocked when he realized he had never before uttered them to anybody (and meant them). And suddenly, this all became so real that the fluttering of his heart almost painfully but at the same time more pleasant than anything made his throat constrict. He was even more surprised when, just a second later, he felt soft and very warm lips on his own, his eyes remaining open for a while until his mind was able to process the promise and awareness that had taken place inside of him within the past few seconds.
He felt joy pour through the link, not sure how much of it was his own or Spock's, but it didn't really matter. The kiss was tentative, careful, unlike every other kiss he had ever shared with anybody – except for maybe Caroline, though her gentleness had been more due to the fact that her first kiss with a boy had been 'kinda gross', as the twelve-year-old had explained to a eleven year old Jim afterwards.
But this, this was something absolutely unique. Spock's lips tenderly touched his, carefully and slowly moving to part, no tongue, no suckling, and Jim found himself strangely overwhelmed by how utterly amazing and intimate it felt despite being so chaste. Their hands were still entwined as they both slowly withdrew, their faces still so close that Jim could have counted every single black eyelash around the deep brown, darkened orbs.
"Well," he said softly, his own voice sounding strangely hoarse in his ears. "How's that for courting?"
Spock tilted his head in an almost shrug. "Adequate and satisfying."
Jim had to laugh. "You're easily satisfied," he teased, thinking of one or two or a hundred other things that might even be more satisfying. But for now, this was good. Maybe taking things slow would make it all the more worthwhile in the end.
"How about dinner?" he asked then. "Let's say twenty-hundred? I have this report that I need to finish, unfortunately."
"I believe I can arrange that," Spock replied and Jim was sure this time to see the tiniest smile on his lips.
"It's a date."
"Literally."
Jim laughed again. "Yes Spock, literally."
~ TBC ~
Next Part: ... and Medical Expertise
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 12:03 am (UTC)because what if Spock doesn't want it slow and Jim is screwing up saying that he will be slow???
Maybe Spock want to jump Jim right there pining him to the wall!
How Jim will know what Spock expect?
no subject
Date: 2011-02-20 12:52 am (UTC)God, I love these two together and for me you hit them spot on :D
no subject
Date: 2011-08-09 11:36 pm (UTC)